It made me sad that my girls could barely contain their disinterest in the movie Broadcast News.
But they still love Gene Kelly and Singin’ In The Rain, so I’ll forgive them. I loved Broadcast News when it first came out and I love it now. I love Albert Brooks reading and singing and then singing in French. I love Holly Hunter’s character in so many different ways—the way she gives directions to the taxi driver, the line about repelling the people she’s trying to attract, the response to her boss when he says “it must be tough to always be the smartest person in the room,” —the list goes on and on. But mostly I love her daily stint of pulling the phone off the hook, sitting on the bed and crying. I have my own version of this ritual and it almost always happens in the car when I am alone. I may be crying because the world is so fucked up. Or because I don’t know how to be a better mother to my daughters. Or because I miss my own mother so very much. Or because I read something in the paper or heard something on NPR that broke my heart in a thousand ways. I cry because I need to release the sadness so I can move on with my day.
I also cry with joy—at my children, at my friends, at my family, at a sweet phone message from my boyfriend/fiancée Scott. I cry because my friend Paula Kaplan and my friend Jenny Burton both cried when they heard I got engaged. And I cry because my friend Jennifer hasn’t STOPPED crying since she heard I got engaged. I cry, too because I’m so damn lucky to be healthy, to have healthy children (please knock on whatever hard surface is near) and a secure roof over our heads and healthy food on the table. I cry because Maya Kaimal makes four different curries in a jar that I can whip up with veggies and sometimes chicken and my children think I’m a cook. I cry because my four, sweet amazing and beautiful nieces call me Tante and because all five of my nephews are such wonderful guys. There was a time in my life when I cried a lot more than five minutes a day, and a sweet soul told me: “No one cry more tears than they have to.” So I guess I have to. My tears keep me company through the crazy, wacky, messy journey that is life. I don’t know what I would do without them. I was having a missing-my-mom moment on our recent engagement trip and Scott said to me: “You love a good cry.” And he’s right. I do. I also NEED one. Daily. Just like Holly Hunter.