DREAMS OF SLEEP

by Kate on June 27, 2009

Ever since I had children, the sleeping has been problematic.
A good buddy of my ex named Stephen Engel, who is a comedy writer in L.A. told me that he and his wife have the same problem so instead of “Good Night,” they say, “Good Luck.” I love that.
I am ALWAYS tired. I just can’t manage to sleep at the right time. I don’t get beyond 3 or 4 AM without waking. Sometimes I spend time on the computer making lists, sometimes I read. I get out of bed because that’s what the experts tell me. I wonder how they sleep. I know what is keeping me up. My life is overscheduled and under-funded and I’ve been searching for a solution to both for some time now and in the end, I’m just a gerbil spinning on that wheel. I love the “less is more” idea in life, but how do you incorporate that with children who want to play sports and who you want to show the world to, and enjoy your time with, when you know, even in the ideal, that your time with them is so damn short. How can I not take the kids on our first road trip, and how can I not take them to Pittsburgh to spend some time with my mom who’s in a nursing home and with whom they share so much love? How can I not take them to spend some time at the Jersey shore with their cousins in the house my parents took such good care of so we could enjoy it. This may sound highly privileged, but in truth, lucky is more like it. In truth, I’m always one month away from big debt. Actually I’m one mini-van disaster from big debt. I know Suze Orman would tell me I can’t afford these things with my kids, but if I’d listened I would have had a bigger 401k that would have been decimated. At least this money was spent well. My goal in life, in work, in love is to find a balance and clearly, I’m a bit short on that right now. There is however, an adorable 11 year-old asleep in my bed and her adorable sister asleep across the hall and somehow that makes everything better. I just wish I could sleep.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Virginia S and Noel September 6, 2009 at 10:13 pm

This is so sweet! Good writing.

Alexandra April 27, 2011 at 9:29 am

This scares me.

I, too, wish I had listened to ms orman in the 80’s.

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